F*ck #TGIF. You are (not) the victim.
Let’s face it. Hashtags like #tgif (thank god it’s Friday) are an epidemic that has swept over our society like a plague.
Mondays are even worse. Log in to Instagram and you will be bombarded with images about people complaining that it’s “the worst day of the week again already” and that “weekend was waaaaay to short”.
But the problem isn’t that it’s Monday. The problem is that your life sucks.
You are (not) the victim.
Mondays aren’t bad because they are Mondays. Mondays are bad because you have allowed them to be bad.
The problem is that you are doing something you hate for 5 days just to have 2 days that you actually like. How do you expect your life to be good when you spend the majority of the time doing something you hate?
We live in a society that constantly repeats the dogma that we have to get a job that pays the bills so we can have some time off on the weekend. We are so caught up by the idea that we “have to do” a certain thing because “that’s just how it is”.
But it’s not. It only is when you let it become that way.
We are so busy with seeing ourselves as the victim that we don’t realize that we have created that very victim ourselves in the first place.
Log in to social media on Mondays and you will find a constant battle over who is off worse.
But why do we do it?
It’s because we’ve learned that the person who cries the loudest gets the most compassion from others. That’s something deeply wired in our brains and subconsciousness.
When we were infants and cried, we got attention. We were fed and our needs were met. We cried because we needed to cry to survive.
When we were a little older, we cried when we fell because we hit our knees and our parents came and made it better. When we cried because we didn’t get the sweets at the store, our parents sometimes bought them.
Crying led to compassion, compassion led to the desired outcome.
It’s the very same thing, only now we’re a lot bigger.
We share on social media how bad our lives are so somebody comes and makes it better for us.
The unfortunate difference is that nowadays compassion doesn’t make things better anymore as it did in the past because it doesn’t lead to change. By sharing how “bad” our lives are because we have to get up on Monday morning we try to get somebody else to make it better.
But there’s nobody else who’s able to make it better for you. There’s just you.
Even if somebody came and reaffirmed us in our belief that life is bad because it’s Monday — not that that’s ever happening by the way — what would that change? You get no benefit out of the Monday-morning complaint. All you do is reassuring to yourself that yes, life is bad because it’s Monday.
The self-fulfilling prophecy works in both ways. Good and bad. If you’re constantly telling yourself that Mondays are bad, guess what’s going to happen. If you are constantly saying that life is bad because of this and that then you only victimize yourself.
By saying that an external force (be it Mondays, a mean boss, a low wage, a health problem) is responsible for your happiness you hand over responsibility for your own well-being.
If you believe that things will change for the better when you hand over responsibility to someone or something else, you are wrong.
The thing is that it is up to you to decide.
You are (not) the victim.
You chose your brackets yourself. So chose carefully.
Break the cycle. Change it.
No, not everybody can live a life that others dream of living. And the very reason for that is that most people never quit victimizing themselves or fall back to it the minute they first hit resistance. The question is:
How bad do you want it?
Let’s be honest: Life can be a piece of sh*t sometimes. We get the feeling that nothing goes right and most of us quickly go back to victimizing ourselves.
Because it’s way easier than putting in the effort and staying persistent.
Saying that an external force is the reason why our lives are bad is way easier than trying to change and improve our lives while staying persistent.
Being 65 years old and having 105$ in his bank account, Col. Harland Sanders tried to sell his chicken recipe in order not to end up on the street. He was rejected by 1,009 restaurants. #1,010 later became KFC. KFC is now worth 8.5 billion dollars.
At age 38 J.K. Rowling moved back in with her sister. After a failed relationship and struggling with financial problems she was diagnosed with depression and suicidal. When she finished her manuscript for the first Harry Potterbook it was rejected by all 12 major publishing houses. 7 years after the initial idea for the first book a small literary house in London published it after paying Rowling an allowance of £1500. Another 7 years later she was the first author to have become a billionaire through writing.
Soichiro Honda left his hometown aged 15 to find work in Tokyo. He had received no formal education at that point. He started to work in a car repair shop and 6 years later moved back home to start his own shop. During the Great Depression, he tried to create piston rings for Toyota, working night and day to no avail. His family was in deep financial troubles so he even had to pawn his wife’s rings to keep them above water. Still, he didn’t meet Toyota’s specifications and was rejected. He went back to school and after two years of trying he managed to finally secure a contract with Toyota for his piston rings. Shortly after that, during WWII the factory he built for producing the parts was bombed and destroyed. Refusing to give up he rebuilt the factory, only to have it completely destroyed by an earthquake right after that again. Still not admitting defeat, Honda built a motorized bicycle. That was the beginning of the automotive empire that’s worth $50.5B today.
History is full of these people.
They all refused to give up and accept the role of the victim. By staying persistent they changed their circumstances. So why should you not be able to? Because “that’s just how things are”?
1,009 rejecting restaurants, rejection by all major publishing houses, having your factory destroyed by bombing and later a second time by an earthquake and we are complaining about our Mondays being bad because things just are the way they are?
If we’re honest with ourselves our problems are dwarfed by these stories. Even if you are one of the very few unlucky ones to go through such a phase:
Complaining will not make it better. Change will.
We victimize ourselves by complaining about our situation. By victimizing we give something or someone else the responsibility for our lives. By giving away responsibility, we never change anything ourselves. So how do we expect things to improve if we don’t change them ourselves?
Are you a sheep or are you a wolf?
Ask yourself this question next time you’re about to complain about something. Are you a victim? Or are you willing to take over responsibility for your life and accept that you are the only one who can change your life for the better?
How much do you want it? If you want it more than others and are willing to put in the work and stay persistent, you will eventually receive more than the others.
The sheep becomes the wolf when it realizes that it can grow sharp teeth and claws.
So when you’re not happy with how your life is currently going…
When you’re not happy with the time you spend at work and only do it to earn money to “live” on the weekends…
Then maybe it’s time for a change.
Next time you’re about to make a post on social media with the hashtag #TGIF, stop yourself and instead spend the time figuring out what you’d love to do every single day, no matter if it’s Friday or Monday.
Complaining won’t make your job better. Complaining won’t make your life better.
If you want something better, get your ass up and go get it. You’re the only one who can.
Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading. Let’s all work together on improving our lives. Leave your comments below, I’d love to hear what you think.